5 Biggest Dating Turn Offs- Guys Listen Up!

Sometimes it really does seem like chivalry is dead. In this day in age it’s a miracle if people actually fathom going on a date before sleeping together. I for one am not that into dating and much of it has to do with these 5 things that are serious red flags in my book. In the hook up culture that has taken over our generation it leaves me asking myself, are there really any decent guys left out there?

5 Things that make any self-respecting woman go..”next!”

1. Lack of First Date Creativity

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Wow, you’re actually fortunate enough to have met someone who wants to take you on a date and not just asks you to come over and “watch a movie”…astounding! How sad that this is actually something out of the ordinary instead of the standard, but I digress. Okay, so you found a decent enough guy who knows how this dating thing is supposed to go, but then when push comes to shove they lack any sort of planning or creative ability.

“Dinner and a movie?” Lame.

“Froyo?” Lam-er (and what a cheapskate!)

“I don’t know, what would you like to do?” Seriously…you’re the one who asked me on a date..YOU are supposed to take initiative and plan something.

Guys, look, dates are auditions.

We’re getting to know you, just like you’re getting to know us and when you show me right off the bat you lack any motivation to have some fun, think outside the box, or take charge it really makes me question what type of potential boyfriend or even friend you’d end up being.

If I want to sit at home and “watch a movie” I can either a.) do that by myself or b.) have plenty of gal pals who I can feel completely comfortable wearing sweats and sharing a tub of Ben & Jerry’s with all the while divulging in some good girl talk.  (Which by the way, never, ever gets old.) Not to mention there’s no awkward sexual tension or pressure.

So if you suck at being creative, I really don’t know how to help you except suggest that you  find a girl who’s just as boring and doesn’t mind. Maybe try Googling something and pretend like you’re at least a teeny bit original?

2. Homeboy Sucks at Texting

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Dear God, if you are a horrible conversationalist when it comes to the art of texting it just makes me not want to talk to you- like, ever.

The budding of a new romance is supposed to be fun, exciting and make your heart skip a beat every time your phone buzzes with a new incoming text. But when we have the same dead-end generic conversations that are left awkwardly hanging because you don’t understand the concept of how to continue a texting conversation umm, yeah. Ttyn.

If you really want to impress me, call just to chat. I might be a little weirded out at first since hardly anyone does that anymore but if we have a connection it will definitely score you major points. Remember the days when you would actually dial someone’s number and have a legitimate conversation with them?

Let’s bring it back to the glory days when a phone was for talking, not texting.

3. Brosef doesn’t try to get to know you- at all.

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If you stick to generic, surface level conversation topics, please tell me, what is the point? No you don’t need to ask me my deepest darkest secrets or life’s greatest ambitions on the first couple dates (that by the way would also make a girl “next” you) but ask questions about things that are important to me or that I seem passionate about and I’ll be sure to do the same.

If I don’t get the sense you’re trying to understand who I am, then I think you’re either just dating me for my looks and/or to get in my pants, or you’ve already made up in your mind who I am and don’t care to get to know the real me.

Neither of these situations works well for you. If those things do apply, then do us both a favor and next yourself.

 

4. Mr. Dating Potential is on his phone…non-stop.images

‘Scuse me, I know this is the 21st century but there still is this thing called “personal relationships” and “social interaction” not “social media interaction”.

If we’re on a date and you can’t stop texting, checking your Facebook/Twitter/ESPN, or (gag) Snap chatting, then please excuse me while I go have a conversation with someone who can set their phone down for  a minimum 30 minutes.

This is especially a problem if you exhibit turn-off #2.

You can’t text me, but miraculously have a plethora of conversations with everyone else when you’re in my presence? Who are you texting that isn’t annoyed by your lack of ability or why do you all of a sudden forget how to text when I’m the recipient of your barely tolerable attempt of communication? Get it together, man.

5. Dismal Complimenting Skills

Take a hint from Ry Guy

Take a hint from Ry Guy

It’s really not that hard to do guys. “You look beautiful.” “You have a great sense of humor.” “I’m having such a great time getting to know you.”

Why aren’t these the first things guys say?

Instead you’re more likely to get a slip of the hand to grope your ass or an awkward too long stare at your chest. Yo buddy, I may have a great body but let’s hope if you’re interested in dating me that’s not all you’re taking into consideration. Because let’s face it, I could be, (let’s use a favorite term used by men)…crazy!

So before trying to make it to second base before it’s warranted hold off on the touchy feely. Get to know me, just like I’m trying to get to know you, and make sure I’m not a psycho. Because we’ve all had that “crazy” ex and we certainly don’t need another.

I may be generalizing a bit, and perhaps these five things seem a little harsh (and yes, women are EQUALLY responsible for doing these things as well) but I hope you take the article all in good fun but also, hear me when I say this, avoid doing these things if you’re looking for (even just the possibility of) a genuine relationship with someone. I beg of you.

Side-note, this is about DATING. Not hooking up, hanging out, etc. It’s a lost art for my generation but I have hope that guys and gals alike will get it together and genuinely try getting to know each other before committing to more serious, “next-level”,  intimacy. 

What are your dating turnoffs?

Comment Below! 

 

Sometimes You Gotta Lose

Losing sucks right? I mean, if we’re all being honest, no one says “Yay! I worked so hard, spent so much time and energy preparing and then I don’t win- wonderful!” Dream didn’t come true! #Awesome

However, just because you lose doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it with grace, respect and excitement for the individual who won. Don’t be a sour puss because they were “better” than you, be happy that they accomplished their goal and dream. They were the best that day, so congratulate them, because winning was a part of their journey, not yours.

Embrace the Suck
It hurts to know your best wasn’t good enough but don’t let that detour you from giving up on something you want so badly. Take a little bit to evaluate what improvements you can make, what you could do differently and accept that perhaps this just wasn’t your day, your competition, your year and that God has other plans for you. Sometimes we don’t understand why we have to lose but I am a firm believer that losing doesn’t define you, just like a win doesn’t define you. It’s about the person you become because of it.

Nobody likes to lose.
A popular pageant question is “Does losing build character?” And my response has always been, most definitely. It takes a strong person to win, but an even stronger person to lose and remain happy, confident in themselves, with a smile on their face. Losing ain’t fun, but it’s a part of life. Even though we know losing is inevitable, I still think we need to go through life expecting a win. Expect that your hard work will pay off. Expect that your goal will be accomplished. Expect your name will be called as the winner. Expect, expect, expect.

But, did you really lose?
In the moment it’s heartbreaking, it’s discouraging, it makes you question and wonder why you even try. But in the morning, the hurt and sting of a loss isn’t so bad. Have you heard the saying, “what a difference a day makes”? Well, tis true. Sure you may still be hurt but don’t let that make you bitter, let it make you better. Today is a new day, you may have lost yesterday but that doesn’t mean you can’t win today. It doesn’t mean you won’t win tomorrow, a year from now, 10 years from now. You lost today, big whoop. There’s always another day to try again and make it a win. Change your perspective and become a winner.

Remember when I said God has other plans for you? Well, the next time you lose, take some time to pray and reflect on it.

Perhaps your loss is a blessing because it frees up time to go through a door He has been waiting to open for you but you were so distracted by this other thing that wasn’t meant for you.

Maybe this is your sign to pursue that other dream you’ve shoved to the back of your mind.

Perhaps He’s telling you to not give up on this dream and take the necessary time to grow and learn so you’ll be prepared next time.

Or maybe He is simply just telling you to wait, relax, take time to rest, so He can set you up for something that’s not even on your radar yet.

He may be pruning you for your destiny so I beg of you, do not become discouraged. Become encouraged that you may have lost today but He will not let you lose everyday. God has a plan for you, trust it.

Keep on Losing
Loss and failure are tricky little things, and they’re oh so similar. The only way you can truly lose, they only way you can really fail, is if you never try. If you’re failing and you’re losing that means you’re actively doing- go you! Big props. If you are experiencing the sting of failure, soak it all in cause it’s character building time. You will recover from every first runner up, every mediocre placing, every bad grade, every disappointment- the world and your life will go on, I promise.

Loss has taught me to never be afraid to lose. Never be afraid to give something your all, while clinging to the fear that you might not win. Punch that fear in the face and say, “so what if I lose, I’m going to give it my best anyway.” Because it’s more possible you might lose than be crowned a winner, but really losing isn’t so bad.

And if you can’t kick the fear out? It still nags at you with all the what ifs and worries, do it afraid. Go after your goal with a vengeance and even if you can’t kick the fear out completely, let it come along for the ride and show it you don’t care. You’re gonna try anyway.

You may feel embarrassed, but why? I can guarantee you no matter what, you’re being much harder on yourself than anyone else is. Those people who support you, they’re still proud of you. They still support the fact that you had the guts to do whatever it is you do. Stop worrying about what other people think anyway. This is your life, this is your dream. Chase it with every fiber of your being.

From a person who has never won a pageant in all the years I have competed I’m telling you right now- never give up. I can guarantee your loss today is going to make your victory that much sweeter. All the times you got knocked down and came back for more because you still had that dream, that passion, that desire, it’ll pay off.

Keep the faith. Your loss is setting you up for a win.

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Before the Stage

It’s hours away before I step on stage and compete for the title of Miss Arizona United States and I wanted to share a couple of thoughts and feelings that have been on replay in my mind.

Dang, this is fun!
I’ve never had this much fun in a pageant in my life. I think it’s because I have a different attitude. I’m not so focused on the crown and what will happen if it eludes me. I’ve truly gotten to know the women in my division and they are all so beautiful and genuine. We’ve shared so many laughs, random dance offs and positive, motivating conversations. I’m so lucky to be able to compete with like-minded, passionate women and these new friendships are just beginning of bonds that I know will continue to grow.

Gratitude
I am so blessed and fortunate to have this opportunity. I am so grateful God has put me in a position to inspire others and also be just as inspired. There are so many women who may never had the opportunity to experience competing in a pageant and it is my sincerest hope that if any woman has ever had the dream to do so, God will provide and open the doors so that they can. Pageantry has taught me so much about myself and helped me build character, skills and the confidence for other areas in my life.

It’s not about the crown..Really
Not going to lie, the thought has creeped into my mind a couple times, “What happens if you get first runner up again or don’t even place?” And I’ve come to realize that as badly as I hope to be crowned the winner tonight, if that dream doesn’t come to pass it’s okay. My platform is not just one I whipped up to compete in a pageant- it’s become a part of my life’s journey. Regardless if there’s a crown on my head I’ve found a passion and a story that I want to share with any and everyone who will listen. Strong is a lifestyle and if I don’t win, well..I’m confident enough to know that God has bigger plans for my future and my platform.

Everyone who has competed this weekend is an inspiring woman in her own right and although crowns and titles are a wonderful validation of our hard-work, passion, and talent- it isn’t everything.

The support and encouragement I’ve received is astounding and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being my rocks! I love every single one of you!

Xo

Your Ging

I’ve Already Won

she believed she could so she did

I am only a few days away from competing in the Arizona United States Pageant and I must say I feel like I’ve already won.

This has been one of the most challenging pageant preparations yet. I have been working full-time, training, developing a new series and other exciting things for the blog, practicing posing and interview, continuing to develop Strong is a Lifestyle, volunteering, and completing another project that is very important to me, along with.. you know, life.

This is the first pageant that I have completely, 100% paid for all by myself. No sponsors, no parents, just me.

I am in no way trying to “out-do” or downplay other contestants who did have financial help. In fact, I think it’s awesome and something to be equally as proud of to have put in the work to raise money and support! In the past, I too have relied on sponsors and financial help from friends and family but this year was different. 

This year I felt in my heart that I was being called to accomplish something that I never had thought would be possible- financial independence.

It was important to me to be able to say that as an educated, strong, 23-year old woman, I can provide for myself. If I want to accomplish something, I have the ability to do so. I may have to cut a few luxuries, work overtime, and give up some of “fun” things for a short amount of time but in the end I knew it would be worth it.

And it definitely was.

Not only was I able to pay for all my pageant expenses (entry fee, wardrobe, makeup, tanning, head shots, and all of the other little expenses that are associated with pageantry) but I have actually been able to put money into savings!

This is the first time in my life that I am NOT living paycheck to paycheck.

Looking back I’ve determined that accomplishing this goal came down to three key things:

  1. I prayed a lot.
  2. I believed with every fiber of my being that I could do it.
  3. And then I worked hard. Very hard.

 

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Head Shot by the amazing Michael Franco!

I  applied the Strong is a Lifestyle mentality.

Here’s what I mean:

I respected my body by working out and fueling it with nutrient rich foods. I did not go on a crazy pageant diet or push myself to exhausting extremes. If I missed a workout, I didn’t beat myself up. Rest days were just as important to me as cardio and strength training. I utilized working out as a way to give me energy and fuel for everything else I had going on.

I balanced work and play. I took a girls trip for a weekend to have some fun and relax when I was getting overwhelmed. I made “me” time daily. Pageant prep was fun for me because I  practiced with my best friend and didn’t take it too seriously. I would work hard, make sure I had saved up enough to pay for my pageant expenses and then if there was anything left over, I’d buy myself a little gift. Sometimes though my little gift was being able to deposit some moolah into the savings account and see the number go up!

Whenever I’d get stressed or down I’d remind myself to be confident. I would say, “You can, and you will do this! Just do it!” And then I did..

I was proactive about my success. I knew that in order to accomplish paying for all of this I would have to be focused and make a plan. Then I had to take action. I budgeted and analyzed what were essentials in my life and what I could cut out to save some extra money. It just so happens my much loved CrossFit was not an essential. I know this is shocking..it shocked me too. I miss it dearly but sometimes you have to sacrifice something you love, for something you want more.

I embraced all aspects of the suck.  I will not lie and say sometimes I was not utterly overwhelmed by all I had to do. There were multiple occasions where there was mini, stress induced, meltdowns (those were quickly resolved by a workout at the gym!) and days where I couldn’t wait to crash into my pillow. I forced myself to make smarter financial decisions, like cutting way back on eating out and not spending money on unnecessary Target shopping sprees. It was hard to say no sometimes, but in all honesty, I love the suck.

I love working hard and making a difference. I know that at the end of the day I want to look back and say I gave it everything I had. Even if I don’t win the crown I have accomplished something that I never thought was possible. When you embrace the suck, and give something 100% dedication, you’ve already won. You don’t need a title, pro-card, crown, trophy, promotion, or anything else to validate your hard work. Sure those things are nice but the journey, making it through “the suck”, is the real accomplishment.

Reflecting back on my months of preparation I can say I’m proud of myself.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way going into a pageant before. Whenever I’ve competed in the past I felt like I couldn’t be proud of myself unless I placed or won. I was terrified of losing. I was so concerned with what “people would think” if I didn’t win. Now, I’m not concerned at all, because I am proud of myself for committing, rising to a challenge and ultimately succeeding.

At the end of the day, I did this pageant for me. For my platform. To share my story and inspire others to make strong their lifestyle. I have faith that whatever is meant to be will be. This weekend I’m going to show up, have fun, and be the best me I can be. (Not to mention rock all the FABULOUS outfits I’ve bought!)

There’s no pressure this time because I feel in my heart I’ve already won.

20 Hours to learn ANYTHING

What if I told you that it didn’t take months or years to acquire a new skill, but only a mere hour a day, for 20 days?

You’re crazy, that’s not possible…but let’s just say it was possible…wait..is it possible?

Is your interest peaked?

Good.

I watched this TEDx talk by author Josh Kaufman, where he explains how it takes a lot less time to acquire a new skill than previously thought. At the end of the video he shows the proof in the pudding by showcasing a new skill he’s picked up himself. (Let me tell you it’s so, so awesome. You have got to see this!)

This got me thinking..

What if we apply this to our fitness regiments. Say your goal is to do a pull-up, perform your first muscle up, or maybe master your hand-stand walks, wouldn’t this apply?

If you make a weekly plan, set aside between 3-5 hours a week to dedicate practicing the skill, or set of skills, that would only mean you’d  need to dedicate less than three months practicing and BOOM! You’re going to be that much more of an athlete.

This concept doesn’t only have to apply to CrossFit- you could literally apply it to whatever form of exercise tickles your fancy!

Want to master a new, hardcore yoga pose?

Having trouble with a certain Zumba move?

Want to increase your flexibility and learn how to do the splits?

Great!- Apply this logic and see what happens!